My mom got after me for not blogging in a while. First of all I don't really like to do it, second I haven't been in the best frame of mind to blog and didn't want to do it when I wasn't thinking of positive things to write. So here is what I decided on this week- the things you don't expect. Mind you I am being extremely candid in the hopes that this will not be read much and by writing it I can find an outlet for my frustration.
I think it is agreed that while the prosepct of moving is exciting and that a move can be a good thing, in general moving SUCKS! Even a move across town can be crappy but I moved 1200 miles away which made it even crappier. When we decided to make this move I was happy about it. It was an opportunity for growth and change and while I knew I would miss home I was excited. I expected that I would be homesick and that the kids would take time to adjust but I wasn't scared at all. I had no idea that I would feel the way I have felt for a couple of weeks.
Our move out here was eventful and difficult and we spent days (litterally) trying to get into our house (litterally). By the time we were able to close on the new home and get the locksmith to let us in, we were in a mad dash to get the trucks empited. When we loaded the trucks we had 10-15 people show up to help. When we unloaded the trucks we had 3 and not all at the same time. So needless to say we emptied and just threw stuff places. And just when I thought I had things under control and that house was getting organized, we had to move my husbands stuff out of his crap hole of an apartment and what I thought I had done was immediately undone. So for a couple of weeks I had lots to do, lots of stuff to move around and organize, and it kept me busy for a while. And while there is still a garage full of "stuff" that I need to take care of I'm sick of moving and have stopped working so hard to get it taken care of.
I know that I am capable and that I can do things on my own, but I have really struggled to do simple things like laundry and making dinner. And I love my daily excersize but for a while I was even forcing myself to get in 30 minutes a day and I'd stop in the middle and decide to be done and then force myself to continue. I felt like if I quit in the middle I would be dissapointing Bob and Jillian, but really I was afraid to disappoint myself.
Like I said, I expected that it would take the kids time to adjust but I didn't expect the whole new set of behaviors that have developed. My oldest is having such a hard time. He puts on a good front. However, he won't talk about friends from "home" and he doesn't want to call his best little friend, or write his old class a letter. And then come to find out he misses them so much that he can't talk about them without bursting into tears. I also didn't expect that everything with him would be a constant fight and that he would feel so much annimosity towards me. I didn't expect that my 2 year old would take to throwing insane fits. And I didn't expect that my son with autism would adjust so well. That was a welcomed miracle, but helping him was what I had prepared myself to do. I didn't prepare myself for my oldest and youngest to fall apart.
Mostly I didn't expect that after being here for several weeks that I would wake up one day and have the greatest desire to pack up the whole house and go "home". I didn't expect to cry EVERY day. I didn't expect to have dreams about moving back home. I didn't expect to wake up and think I was in my old house. I didn't expect to have nightmares about the people renting my old home. I didn't expect to question the decisions that we had made and felt so good and peaceful about. We had concerns of course. My husband's biggest fear was that everyone would be miserable and hate him for having us make this move and I assured him we would be fine and we would get through it. He knew we would need some time to adjust, but we've been here 6 weeks now and I expected to be doing better than we are. So how do you tell your husband, who has already had time to adjust and is really enjoying his work and having his family here with him, that you are a miserable mess? Well I did it absolutely the wrong way and for a couple of days was worried that I had really hurt my marriage by telling him how I felt.
So what have I learned from the unexpected? So far I have learned this. Proceed with caution. Don't act out of anger or intense emotion. Stay calm (which I have not mastered by any means). Support one another. Find the good in your situation. Love and enjoy your kids. Hug your husband every day. Husbands, listen, I repeat LISTEN to your wife when she tells you she is struggling and don't take it personally that she is. Wives, don't expect your husband to read your mind! If you are struggling and need something from him, like additional patience and added support tell him that you do. When all else fails get on your knees and ask for help. Then get up and do something.
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